My heart has been heavy since the passing of Robin Williams a few weeks ago. I have experienced the dark side of clinical depression. I have felt the weight of a burden too heavy to bear. I have been convinced that hope was gone.
I still can't bring life to the post that I've wanted to write these past two years, about that time and place. I can't make the words come properly, or fully explain the changes that have happened within me. Perhaps the words will come someday, or maybe they are only meant to be shared in person. (Ask me!)
I have seen the darkness, and I have been blinded by the light. I have felt the burden, and I have had it lifted from my shoulders. I have had joy stolen from me, but I have been rescued by the truth.
There is always hope.
I would have despaired unless I had believed
that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord.
Be strong and let your heart take courage.
Yes, wait for the Lord.
I know this blog has rose-colored things. Maybe it's made my life look neat and fashionable when it was in the midst of falling apart. I hope it didn't. I hope you've been able to see me for the person I really am, behind the smiling, carefully edited photos.
I am a broken human being, with a weak heart that is held together with tape and glue. But nothing in this life or the next can separate me from the love of Jesus.
I am His, and it is enough.
While I'm here, I'd just like to acknowledge that I am moving into a different phase of life. I've got a new career path, a scary birthday on the way, and something in my heart saying that it may be time to move on from AmandaBeth.
I can't say goodbye for always. There are certainly many adventures yet to be had (you can follow along at iWrite and/or FlyGirl)... but I'm off to chase some new dreams.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being a part of this dream. God bless.
Photos by Lydia Flynn